Man U vs Arsenal
1600: match kicks off with tim howard nowhere in sight. in a bold move, ferguson has decided to fill his bench with forwards. wenger, however, chooses to play the same side that knocked juventus out of the champions league.
1601: arsenal shows the spirit that has taken them so far in europe this season, van der sar having to punch away a blistering free kick from jens lehmann, whos dead ball skills was just discovered yesterday at an arsenal training session.
1602: the resulting corner is wasted and sparks a man u counter attack which results in saha striking a fierce shot which ricochets off the post and whacks his face on the rebound. the ball trickles pathetically out of play for a goalkick.
1605: fabregas finds time and space to slide in a pass to the nimble thierry henry. ferdinand stretches for it - and tears his pants in the process. neville clears.
1608: a mix up by the united defence sees vidic kicking silvestre in the face as they challenge gilberto for a long aerial ball from lehmann.
1615: a united attack is brilliantly halted by flamini as he slides in bravely to cut the ball away from rooney as the forward prepares to shoot.
1619: ronaldo tries one too many stepovers and loses the ball tamely to reyes. he threads a through ball to adebayor who finishes with aplomb through the legs of giggs and past van der sar. man u 0-1 arsenal
1624: man u attempt to level the game but wasteful finishing by saha prompts an outburst from ferguson, who runs onto the pitch and strangles saha. he is sent off and banished to the stands, while medicals rush to the frenchman's aid.
1625: van nistelrooy is brought on for the pale-faced saha.
1631: toure starts on a run from his own penalty box that sees him go past ronaldo with 5 stepovers of his own, sidestep a fruitless lunge from o'shea, drive past neville and rifle a thunderous shot that just shaves the bar. united supporters start to boo their team.
1633: neville swears at his own supporters.
1640: rooney gets a card for dropping his pants at lehmann after the keeper shaves his shot. ferguson starts ranting in the stands, but is held down by mental doctors.
1644: henry chips van der sar exquisitely from outside the area. man u 0-2 arsenal
1645: half time.
1701: a long punt by lehmann downfield catches van der sar off his line, and only a backtracking ferdinand is able to hack it away just in time.
1703: another mixup by the united defence sees van nistelrooy crashing into his own keeper while going up for a corner. eboue gleefully tucks the ball into an open goal while van der sar lies injured on the ground. man u 0-3 arsenal
1704: without a keeper on the bench, rossi is called on to deputise.
1705: it doesn't take long for him to take his first taste as a keeper, hleb taking a long range shot which the makeshift keeper just manages to tip onto the bar. the ball rebounds off his head, slides off the thigh of the onrushing ronaldo, and goes out for a corner.
1706: lehmann hits the post with a bicycle kick from the corner.
1713: rooney is sent off this time for tucking the ball into his shirt and running half the length of the field with it.
1720: senderos knocks a long ball which is chested down by adebayor into the path of henry, who sents a curling shot past rossi. man u 0-4 arsenal
1729: substitution: walcott for henry, djourou for toure, song for hleb
1735: walcott scores his first premiership goal by chesting down a cross-field pass from song and slotting it past rossi. man u 0-5 arsenal
1743: van nistelrooy bashes neville up after the latter chastises him for missing a sitter. both are sent off.
1745: match ends. final score, man u 0-5 arsenal